Everyone says he would be crazy if he didn’t have the same feelings back, but I’m guessing I’m crazy… because I can see why he wouldn’t.
I told my best guy friend last night that I like this guy that we both know and was super surprised to find out this news… which I thought he knew… but he told me to “forget what he thinks, make something happen… I haven’t seen you dedicate your feelings to someone in a long time.” And he’s right. I’ve never liked anyone like this in a really long time. He also said, “you’re so casual about it.” I told him that’s what I wanted, that I wanted our friendship way more than any relationship. I wouldn’t want to lose him. Not in a million years.
So I pretty much gave up on the gym guy if I didn’t tell you already……
Just playing it cool for awhile now. When the time comes, the time will come. So for now, I’m going to enjoy the people I surround myself with and enjoy their presence and love every single moment of my living life. Because each day that passes only comes once. I love my life with all my struggles, mistakes, decisions, craziness, boring, life lesson days. I love the fact that I have people who respect me and accept me for exactly for who I am. I hope all of you can get just as lucky. I’ve learned that trying to be the people who surround you is useless and it makes you struggle the way you shouldn’t. You will find people who will accept you. Once you find yourself and embrace the self that you really are, I swear to you, with whatever life throws at you and tries to ruin for whatever reason, you will be happy. Because you know exactly who you are and you know that no one can take that away from you. Ever.
So, sing the loudest on pitch or off key! Throw your arms in the air and laugh out loud. Run through the park randomly and throw yourself on the grassy empty fields. Take walks with your dogs or cats or rats or just by yourself. Take your car and adventure… get lost to find your way again. Lose a couple of those so-called friends and gain some real ones. These are the things I’ve done to become the person I am today. These are the things that I’ve accepted for myself. I may not be certain of my future, but I sure do know I am struggling to get there and it’s going to take my entire life to achieve what I want. But I don’t care, just ‘cause I know I have gained the happiness to encourage myself through all the rough times. So instead of thinking of all the mistakes you’ve made and all the failures you’ve done and what you have done to disappoint the people you love most. Look up at the sky and live. Take all those terrible things and turn them into experiences, turn them into achievements, turn them into something amazing. Because you are amazing.
This was about me at first. About some guy that didn’t work out. And I’m okay with that. Because I know there is something out there much greater and definitely more worthwhile to put my time and effort into. My time will come and yours as well.
I pray for the day when I see him again… I won’t run away. I’ll give him the brightest of smiles and the sternest of handshakes. To show, he was one of the greatest lessons to have ever been taught in my life.
Okay.. So I’m going to rant… and if you want to know what I am ranting about. It’s just about stuff no one really cares about.. So I’m just going to put the “read more” link up and you can decide whether you really want to waste time reading it or not…
I honestly just don’t feel like opening my Journal and writing in it right now.
So anyone new that I meet. I won’t tell them my sad pathetic past, but the things that made me happy. Cause then maybe… they’ll understand how to make me smile when they finally experience me sad.
Tomorrow I’ve made it a full two weeks without facebook. I counted the days and that would be 15-16 days (depending if you want to count the day I deactivated it or not). And since that I got my new phone, I’ve been photo-bombing instagram and tumblr…
Which has been helping with the withdrawals.
Also I went to the beach with Becca and it felt wonderful. I have to do that again soon, since I’m not able to run probably for the rest of the month. It cleared some of the things that have been bothering… but there’s still some things that need to be cleared that just aren’t yet. But it did relax me and take some stress away. Just setting on the beach looking at the waves and stars. I wish we could do a bonfire. We definitely would have stayed there all night and watch the sun rise. :)
One day, when I wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning… I’m going to get up, put on some really warm clothes.
Drive to the beach with some hot chocolate and a bagel and just watch the sun rise. And just think, enjoy it. For once enjoy the fact that I’m alive and I smile every single day.
And that I don’t fake my smile. I smile for real.
My dream before I woke up, I heard a text message come… I looked at it and it’s the guy who’s super into me right now… He said he didn’t want to see me anymore because I’m an asshole, but he said it in the nice way.. He might as well have just said I’m an asshole. Or a bitch, cause well, everyone calls me that.
But it was just a dream…
I’m wonderful at pushing people away.
So I know many of you know probably do or don’t read my posts, but if you do.. you’re probably thinking, “this chick really needs to get over her ex-boyfriend. He’s every post she writes.”
And now you’re probably nodding your head in agreement.
Well if someone could just talk to me about and give me some ideas and/or advice. That’d be lovely.. cause I can’t seem to get him off my mind. And I really want to just forget. Finally.
I asked my friend at work if it’s weird to still be in love with my ex… and she looked at me weird.. then I elaborated about the situation… then she told me it wasn’t weird at all.
He was my best friend for 6 years. Then he was my lover and best friend for 2 of them…
I still consider him my best friend.
Why can’t I just learn to let him go?? /(<_____>)\
It’s funny how I want to text him out of all people right now about my current situation.. I just want to call him and rant and cry.
I just want him.
So I FORGOT to rant about my conversation that I had with my mother yesterday for about 10 minutes before my brother interrupted about food.
OKAY! Well, my mom asked me if
My strength is slowly withering away… It’s getting harder to forget you… I could always be distracted last year, I didn’t have school really to think about… I did everything in my power to be busy, to keep my mind occupied.
You destroyed everything that I worked on. You just keep destroying me.