Okay.. So I’m going to rant… and if you want to know what I am ranting about. It’s just about stuff no one really cares about.. So I’m just going to put the “read more” link up and you can decide whether you really want to waste time reading it or not…
I honestly just don’t feel like opening my Journal and writing in it right now.
So anyone new that I meet. I won’t tell them my sad pathetic past, but the things that made me happy. Cause then maybe… they’ll understand how to make me smile when they finally experience me sad.
Tomorrow I’ve made it a full two weeks without facebook. I counted the days and that would be 15-16 days (depending if you want to count the day I deactivated it or not). And since that I got my new phone, I’ve been photo-bombing instagram and tumblr…
Which has been helping with the withdrawals.
Also I went to the beach with Becca and it felt wonderful. I have to do that again soon, since I’m not able to run probably for the rest of the month. It cleared some of the things that have been bothering… but there’s still some things that need to be cleared that just aren’t yet. But it did relax me and take some stress away. Just setting on the beach looking at the waves and stars. I wish we could do a bonfire. We definitely would have stayed there all night and watch the sun rise. :)
One day, when I wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning… I’m going to get up, put on some really warm clothes.
Drive to the beach with some hot chocolate and a bagel and just watch the sun rise. And just think, enjoy it. For once enjoy the fact that I’m alive and I smile every single day.
And that I don’t fake my smile. I smile for real.
My dream before I woke up, I heard a text message come… I looked at it and it’s the guy who’s super into me right now… He said he didn’t want to see me anymore because I’m an asshole, but he said it in the nice way.. He might as well have just said I’m an asshole. Or a bitch, cause well, everyone calls me that.
But it was just a dream…
I’m wonderful at pushing people away.
So I know many of you know probably do or don’t read my posts, but if you do.. you’re probably thinking, “this chick really needs to get over her ex-boyfriend. He’s every post she writes.”
And now you’re probably nodding your head in agreement.
Well if someone could just talk to me about and give me some ideas and/or advice. That’d be lovely.. cause I can’t seem to get him off my mind. And I really want to just forget. Finally.
I asked my friend at work if it’s weird to still be in love with my ex… and she looked at me weird.. then I elaborated about the situation… then she told me it wasn’t weird at all.
He was my best friend for 6 years. Then he was my lover and best friend for 2 of them…
I still consider him my best friend.
Why can’t I just learn to let him go?? /(<_____>)\
It’s funny how I want to text him out of all people right now about my current situation.. I just want to call him and rant and cry.
I just want him.
So I FORGOT to rant about my conversation that I had with my mother yesterday for about 10 minutes before my brother interrupted about food.
OKAY! Well, my mom asked me if
My strength is slowly withering away… It’s getting harder to forget you… I could always be distracted last year, I didn’t have school really to think about… I did everything in my power to be busy, to keep my mind occupied.
You destroyed everything that I worked on. You just keep destroying me.
I’m ready to see him. I ready to get him completely out of my life because we don’t have a future together. It’s over. It really is.
And again, I have to learn to live without you. Just when I was starting to teach myself the basic steps of life.
I miss saying “I Love You” and meaning it with my whole heart.
Probably the reason why I haven’t said it in 14 months.
They says there’s other fish in the sea, and mentally I want to see the other fish, but my heart keeps going back to one particular one…. one that can’t seem to leave no matter how hard I try, this one just keeps sneaking back into my life.. some how, some way.
Everyone may think that I’m moving on, when in reality I’m stuck. And I might be forever.